It’s been 40 days since I finished the Camino, and 20 days since I’ve gotten back to Manila.

Almost everyone has asked, "Have you changed?"

Pfft! Like there was something wrong with me in the first place!

At first I thought I had. There was no strong desire to eat or drink excessively which, for me, as you know, is very strange. I ate excessively anyway, but I did dial down the drinking.

As soon as I got back to Manila, I bought a week’s worth of yoga classes, hoping it would keep me on the straight and narrow before leaving for Siargao.

The last time I did yoga was some time last year. My body groaned – and creaked – in protest.

It didn’t help that my insomnia and jet lag got on like a house on fire and raged EVERY. SINGLE. NIGHT.

I was light-headed and exhausted, but I went to class everyday. Well, at least, for five days. And then the weekend happened.

On Friday night, I announced to my hostess that I would be leaving the party early because there was a morning yoga class that I wanted to catch. So I went home early. In the morning. I caught the sunrise. It was beautiful.

That was two weeks ago. I’m still in Manila and I haven’t been back to a yoga class since. And, yes, the desire to eat and drink to excess is back with a vengeance so… ummm…

Yeah, some things cannot be changed.

I’m still not sleeping. It’s seems to be my thing this year (or was it last year?) to wake up every two hours after falling asleep. Seriously. Even if I’ve fallen asleep at 6 AM, I’m sure to be awake at 8 AM, then at 10 AM. I can almost time it to the minute. It’s utterly ridiculous. And I’m knackered beyond belief.

It has occurred to me that I could use the time I waste trying to sleep to be more productive. God knows I have a to-do list a mile long… No, wait, that’s a lie. I don’t have a to-do list. BECAUSE I HAVEN’T MADE ONE. You’d think, instead of tossing and turning, wondering if Brad Pitt’s face feels like plastic, I’d at least make a damned list or, I don’t know, unpack maybe??? But, nooooooo. These are things that I do when I no longer have the time for it.

To be fair, the real reason why I’m still in Manila is to spend time with the folks. My dad suffered his nth stroke shortly before I left for Spain and, while I was on the Camino, apparently, he had more minor strokes.

He is no longer as confused and disoriented as he was before. And, while he is more mobile now, his left side is still very weak. He has almost no control over his left arm, and his left leg is only slightly more responsive. I’ve taken on the role of his physical therapist, and he seems to enjoy our sessions together.

It can be a challenge, juggling the going out and the insomnia, and trying to be around for the folks. I’ve since moved to the house next door, but still join my parents for most meals. I’m never around for breakfast but, if I’ve had a quiet night, I’ll pop in to say hello between 8 AM and 10 AM. There were a few times when I didn’t make it over at all and my dad asked if it was because of jet lag.

One time, I snuck home with just enough time to wash the stink of cigarette smoke out of my hair before their maid came a’knockin’, summoning me to lunch.

Yes, I’m still social smoking. Yuck. I know.

I know. I’m a disgrace to society.

Despite my failure to evolve as a human being, I don’t think my time on the Camino was wasted time.

I wasn’t there expecting a transformation. Why would I trade the fun of sinning for the burden of sainthood? And I certainly wasn’t looking for redemption. You can’t repent what you do not regret. While I loved the spectacle of the Lenten celebrations, I wasn’t there to renew my faith in gods or religion. I was there to experience the Camino and I was open to the lessons it would teach me.

Geek humor.

And here’s where I’m supposed to segue into the second part of this blog post (The Lessons We Learned Along The Way) but, alas, that will have to be written at another time. A disco nap calls…