While out shopping yesterday afternoon, pain started to creep underneath my skin. Caught unaware, I had to sit down and ponder what I did to deserve it. And then I remembered that, that morning, I had done about two hours and 20 minutes of Kundalini yoga.

What is Kundalini yoga? I can’t say for sure.

I knew it had something to do with the releasing or opening of chakras or energies. It certainly provoked an emotional response in my friends who were into it. And, while I am not a new age junkie, I do like to keep an open mind and am always open to new experiences. Especially when they are described as “orgasmic”. I expected to be elevated to a higher plane through chanting and meditation.

Shortly before 7 o’ clock yesterday morning, I rocked up at Rosan’s place in a tank top and harem pants. She took one look at me and threw me a sports top, yoga shorts and a yoga mat.

Hokay.

We drove to our friend’s house in Makati. There were about six of us and the Kundalini guru.

Marisa wasn’t at all what I expected. She was fully made up, had a bright bandana around her head, and wore what looked like an all-white body suit, with a transparent, light blue cover-up. She was quick to smile and had a loud, booming voice. She played music and chanted, she sang, she read some inspirational verses from books. And she did yoga.

It was really rather impressive. She was small and round but, when she demonstrated moves, she could clearly isolate parts of her body and move them with control. Unlike mine, which moved in one uncoordinated, jumbled mess.

I didn’t realize Kundalini yoga would be so physical!

Imagine doing this:

… CONTINUOUSLY for THREE MINUTES, while breathing like this:

The poses weren’t all difficult. Sometimes, while seated, we just had to hold our arms up. In a 30-degree angle in front of us, palms down, thumbs joined together. Or out directly in front of us, with palms up but with our bodies leaning back at 120-degree angle, faces looking up at the ceiling. Or with hands clasped behind our backs, necks tilted forwards. Easy, peasy, right? Now, try holding those for three minutes doing the breath of fire. Those three minutes cannot end soon enough.

Of course, I couldn’t hold the poses for three minutes! My shoulders kept threatening to sever themselves from the rest of me. Sometimes, I’d get dizzy from all that crazy breathing. Other times, my fingers would tingle. No orgasm yet.

We were supposed to be opening the throat chakra. I’m not sure what that means but I’m no longer coughing as badly as I had been the last few days. Hopefully, I am on the mend.

Apparently, I had wandered right smack in the middle of a four-week intensive Kundalini course. I still have no idea what Kundalini is, but I have two more weeks to find out.

Kundalini Yoga Checklist:

• Yoga outfit
• Yoga mat
• Yoga mat towel
• Optional: small towel and water bottle