Since I got it in my head that I was going to do raw food for a month, I’ve ingested every unhealthy thing ever concocted by man that I could get my hands on. I am so toxic now that I probably glow in the dark and can be seen all the way from Mars.
Yes, I had a Sausage McMuffin with Egg for breakfast. Twice.
Soaked in grease? I’ll have two, please. Covered in sugar? Make that three. Coated in lard? Let me roll in it, thank you.
I’ve stayed away from weighing scales but, this morning, I couldn’t help it. I got on the one in Nicolas’ apartment in Cebu and, surprisingly, it only registered 57 kilos. Yes, that’s heavy but, the way I’ve been eating, I would have thought that I would have reached an all-time high of 60.
But my body has taken note of the abuse and has reacted, quite violently, to it. Sometimes, after a meal, my eyes would water and my nose would get all runny or sneeze-y, as if I had suddenly come down with the flu. Sometimes, I’d feel bloated and get stomach cramps. Recently, my face has registered its complaint by breaking out in spots.
To think that I could have begun this detox from a nice, healthy Paleo-supported start. Instead I undid all the hard work of the past months (- I exaggerate, of course) and gave in to every whim that I had. Except for ice cream. But it’s not for the lack of trying. I went to 150 Valero St. twice and, twice, they were out of stock of Carmen’s Best Artisinal Ice Cream. Grrr…
Last night, the degenerate in me suggested that I keep eating till the clock struck midnight, and I was already thinking of 24-hour places where I could happily stuff my face, but it’s a good thing my body had enough sense to knock itself out before I could act on it.
And so September 3 is finally upon us. Boy, it sure took its sweet time.
This morning, I gave away the last of my cigarettes to the cab driver who took me to the airport. (Yes, I’m going to try to kick smoking too. Boy, am I going to be a bitch.) I had a fresh apple-carrot-red beet juice from Fruit Magic while waiting for my flight. And I brought a bag full of vegetables with me to the island.
Of course, looking through the raw food recipes that I printed out, my eyes are glazing over just reading the list of ingredients. Excuse me if I can’t get all worked up over a zucchini.
I, obviously, still have no idea what I’m doing.
Well, right now, what I’m supposed to be doing is figuring out a menu for my staff to follow, but I really can’t think in lettuce and tomatoes. The poor girls are just as confounded as I am and are at a total loss as to what to do with me.
The problem is even further compounded by Nicolas, who will be joining me in Siargao on the weekends. In a brave but probably foolish show of support, he says he’ll have whatever I’m having while he’s on the island. (Yeah, right. I’m sure he’ll loooooove the bitter gourd-malunggay drink I had when I arrived.) Talk about pressure. Now, I really have to plan a menu and come up with interesting, palatable raw food preparations. I don’t want to be responsible for turning him off raw food forever, and I can’t very well just subsist on coconut water the whole day, as I was intending.
To top it off, I couldn’t have possibly picked a worse time to detox on the island. September is usually when they hold the national and international surfing competitions and, usually, there are parties in town every night. It’s also fiesta time in General Luna and we’re sure to be invited to a few homes to partake of several roasted pigs. I’m going to have to make my excuses because if I have to watch someone eat lechon in front of me, I’ll be scraping my nails down wooden tables and fighting the urge to do an Ozzy on chickens.
Glenn Rixon, Sagana Resort’s chief cook, just sent me a message. “I give you a week before you crack.” Gee, thanks. Now I really can’t crack. Goddamit.
Of course, in case that I do , I will make allowances for the following, in this order:
- raw meat – This is really part of the detox but I am hoping to delay having meat for at least two weeks.
- cigarettes – As long as I don’t eat them, right?
- alcohol
By the way, I’m doing raw according to the Gospel of Paleo, which means I’m still staying away from beans, legumes, etc.
As I said before, I will take this a week at a time. Damn, it’s going to be a long week, isn’t it?