I’ve lost the plot.

Well, I lost it a while back, didn’t I? Even before I left Siargao, everyday had become a cheat day, and Paleo became more the exception than the rule.

I continued to cheat in Manila. I figured, for as long as I stayed away from wheat, I was fine.

And then I was supposed to have dinner with Stephen at the new casino resort, Solaire. Except that he said he’d meet me at Chili’s first. Of all the places in Manila, he had to choose the one to which I have a Pavlovian response. You say “Chili’s”, I say “sliders”. So for the first time in too long, I had – eek! – wheat/gluten in the form of Chili’s “Big Mouth Burger Bites”. I had two sliders. And onion rings. And calamares. In between mouthfulls, I sighed out loud, “The best things in life are breaded or battered, and deep fried.” Stephen agreed. We never made it to Solaire.

I had fallen so far from grace, I thought I might as well sink to the lowest depths that I possibly could. That would be Chili’s “deep fried cheesecake”. It was a crock of shit. Totally not worth the calories.

Eek! Check out what’s No. 4 on Men’s Health’s list of 20 New Worst Foods in America. Doh! (Internet file photo.)

That was yesterday.

I continued the downward spiral today.

FYI, Magnum’s chocolate strawberry? YUM. (I’m convinced the white chocolate version is better and I’m still kicking myself for failing to have one in Australia.) And, boy, did I miss those cheese waffles. And, while I was at the airport, waiting to board my flight for Cebu, I ordered a ham and cheese panini, opened it up, emptied a packet of crisps into it, crushed the sandwich back together and chomped on it like a grade schooler. I got a few strange stares.

Oh, big find at the old Manila domestic terminal (- I now fly from Manila to Cebu with Tiger Air/SEAIR): white chocolate Reese’s peanut butter mini cups. Pricey at P330, but it did keep me from buying some Cheetos.

Stick ’em in the freezer and they’re even better. Nicolas is now onto them too, goddamit. (Internet file photo.)

I wish I could tell you that I’ve been working out but, in the five days that I could have gone to CrossFit, I only made it to two. I missed the other two days because I hadn’t had enough sleep, was foggy from alcohol and had lungs full of nicotine. Burpees were not an option. The other day, the heat had melted me onto the bed and I couldn’t peel myself off it. It was a weekend and there was no way I was going to run around a carpark in that heat.

I told you I lost the plot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I phoned my girl in Siargao today and instructed her to leave me out of lunchtime meals and that I would follow the 1 to 7 PM schedule that I was keeping before. Nicolas and I are back on the island tomorrow for some social commitments and I will be staying all the way till the 21st, while he will be returning to Cebu on the 15th, then is back again in Siargao on the 17th and then back to Cebu on the 19th. What can I say? He has social commitments everywhere.

I promise I will be good again. But that’s tomorrow, when we get to the island. I still have a few more hours till then. In the meantime, the white choc p/b cups in the freezer are in need of my attention. And I’m thinking… the leftover Chinese fried rice will go very well with a fried egg for breakfast. And Tinderbox does a better ham and cheese panini at the Mactan Airport than Seattle’s Best at the old Manila domesic terminal.

I’ve gone completely mad, haven’t I?

FYI, I don’t feel too well. Not at all. I don’t want to get into the details of it but, no, I don’t recommend you try this at home, folks. I do realize that I am doing myself more harm than good but spare me the lectures and let’s just chalk this up to temporary insanity, okay? All we be right in the world again in a few hours.