Whenever I lament how much weight I’ve gained, my fat friends tell me that I’m being ridiculous because I’m skinny.

Well, of course I’m skinny. To you. Because, well, you’re fat. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Barring any thyroid problems, it’s pretty much our choice to be fat or skinny. I choose to be skinny. (Well, sort of. In my head, at least.) Just as it is your choice to be fat. (Yes, every time we eat or not eat a donut, we make a choice.) So, even if I gained 10 kilos, to you, I’d still be skinny.

But it’s an altogether different matter from another skinny person’s perspective. I know some really skinny bitches (and I only mean that with the utmost respect) and, whenever I see them, they never say anything when I gain weight (although I know it never goes unnoticed), but they’ll always say something when I’ve lost a few pounds.

"Did you lose weight? No… … you’ve definitely lost weight. Hmm…"

Like they can’t believe I’ve managed it.

When you’re skinny, any excess poundage definitely shows. But when you’re fat… well, I really don’t know. Do a few more pounds still matter?

I’ve been back in Manila since December 6 – after a quick getaway to Bangkok from Dec. 2-6…

Best cheap-ish finds in Bangkok on this trip were Suda on Sukhumvit Soi 14 (above) and Supanigga Eating Room in Thonglor.

… and resumed going to barre3 last December 10 and, because it’s the Christmas season, the studio is almost always close to empty. Today, apart from the instructor, there was only one other chick at the barre. Who just happened to be Angel Aquino.

Model/actress Angel Aquino. Damn you, Salazar!

It wasn’t the first time I’d been in the same class with her, but it was the first time that it was just her, and me.

With the normal-sized chicas, I’d look at the studio mirror and think, “Wow, I look long and lean.” Beside Angel Aquino, I kept thinking, “Good god, woman, you have got to stop eating cake!” (She said as she scoffed her second slice of cake in less than ten minutes. They were from two different cakes, okay?)

I totally recommend this Dulce de Leche Cheesecake. It ranked Number 2 in an article on the “10 Most Well-Known Cakes in Manila” in spot.ph. It was written in 2014, so the cake now costs P1k.

She reminded me that there’s skinny, and there’s what skinny aspires to be. She’s in her mid forties and has had two kids, so any argument I might have is invalid.

On my first week back at barre3, I refused all invitations to go out. I stopped smoking, didn’t drink, watched what I ate, and slept early. Energy levels were high and I was in a good mood.

And then I could no longer refuse the Christmas parties, and the holiday excesses are now taking their toll. I turned up hungover – twice! – at barre3 and came thisclose to throwing up and passing out. My sleeping patterns are, once again, erratic and I often feel sluggish and tired.

I missed two classes.

But the Friday one was understandable. The earliest class at Eastwood on Fridays is at 5:30 PM, and there is no way in hell that I am going to a studio at a mall at rush hour on a payday weekend in December. I hate being stuck in traffic more than I hate missing a class.

And then, last Sunday, I had a party the night before that ended late so I did the math and, if I went to the 9:30 AM class, I couldn’t be on time for my lunch date and do everything I was supposed to do before then, so I was glad for the opportunity to sleep in. I still fell asleep at “Rogue One” later on, but that may have been because I had half a bottle of wine at lunch.

I wish I could say that I’m going to try harder to be healthier and reach my fitness goals but, as I was writing this, I must have made five trips to the refrigerator to raid my mother’s stash of chocolate-covered almonds.

All I want for Christmas is a spine and a whole lot of willpower.