So I’m looking at my Paleo Challenge scores and have noted a disturbing trend.

I started off really, really well. I scored only 9s and 11s in my first week (seven points for sticking to the diet, plus two for doing a WOD, plus two for getting eight hours of sleep). I didn’t even have a Cheat Day so RJ had to designate one for me.

By the second week, I not only had a Cheat Day, but also lost points on three other occasions for other infractions.

I started the third week with a big bang of a Cheat Day and scored another big fat zero four days later due to alcohol and cigarettes. I lost points on two other occasions as well.

On my fourth week (which was last week), while I didn’t have my Cheat Day until later on in the week, that might have been because I was cheating almost everyday anyway. I only did Paleo for two days, for crying out loud! (At one dinner, Rosan watched me nervously over her carbohydrate-free plate and muttered, “My Paleo guru is cheating.” Doh!)

This week isn’t starting off well either. Let’s see… So far, I have one point. ONE.

Geezoos.

I was doing so well before I joined the Paleo Challenge! But I can’t exactly blame anyone else for my failure, can I? Well, I can actually, if I want to be immature about it, but I won’t. But, now, I don’t even want to get on a scale! Well, the reason why I spiralled out of control this week was really because I thought I had overdid it on the diet and looked way too skinny already. I know that I was at 51 kilos last Thursday, up by two kilos from the previous week. But that was before we slaughtered all those pigs. (“Have the pigs stopped screaming, Clarice?”) Ugh. Now, I don’t even want to know. Ever since Slaughterhouse Four, I seem to think I’m a candidate for the Fifth Pig and – I would make stuffing jokes now but the double entendres are stopping me.

The first three weeks’ offenses were mostly alcohol-related. Now, it’s everything. And I mean EVERYTHING. And my body is paying the price. Trust me, it ain’t pretty.

I had a bag of chips for the first time in months. Last Friday, girlfriend, Malu Gamboa, and I walked into a bar at the Fort. They didn’t have any bar chow so Malu walked out and returned with a shopping bag full of crisps. I thought – why not? – it’s been a while. I opened a bag of Frito Lay’s Sour Cream and Onions and… let’s just say that I really shouldn’t have gone there.

I really need to get it together. I’ve nullified any gains I’ve made over the last few months. All that hard work, unraveled in a matter of days. Now, I feel lethargic and dizzy. My nose is stopped up and my stomach is perpetually cramping.

Of course, as I write this, I am munching on my third Reese’s peanut butter cup which, can you believe, I’ve only just discovered today? (Why, God, why?!)

Sooooo… I’ve declared today my first and last Cheat Day. Until next week, that is. Hey, that includes alcohol so this is not going to be easy for me. Especially since BFF, Alan Montelibano, is in town from San Francisco and not drinking with him is going to be difficult.

Of course, I also said that I’d get in an hour at the pool this evening but, well, it looks like that’s out. Gaah! I just had a big bulgogi dinner and don’t want to be harpooned.